Highlights From The Spam Folder

anyone else miss Monty Python?

As any blogger will tell you, running a blog leaves you handling more spam than a housewife in wartime.

It comes flooding in daily, with only the mighty gates of WordPress to hold back the avalanche.

I don’t really mind though because, most of the time, I get a kick out of it. I thought I’d share the hilarity with you today and pick out some of the best.

spam: the ultimate weapon against unwanted lunch guests

Each of the below found its way into my spam folder in the last couple of weeks. Any spelling/grammar mistakes are faithfully reproduced and the responsibility of the original author.

On my Honey Walnut Chicken Salad:

Its like you read my mind! You seem to know so much about this, like you wrote the book in it or something.

Well sir (or madam, your user name is ‘Shredded Chicken’ which could go either way) thank you for your kind words. I’m flattered that you consider me some kind of chicken salad expert, and an author on the topic no less!

Although I haven’t published any such work yet, the first page of “Honey Walnut Chicken Salad: Behind the Delicious Mask” will be inscribed: “to Shredded Chicken, who believed in me from the start“.

soon to hit Oprah’s Book Club

On the Halloween-themed Bowl o’ Brains Hummus:

The world hopes for more passionate writers like you who are not afraid to say how they believe. Always go after your heart.

This is beautiful advice and you are quite right. I am not afraid to say that red pepper and cream cheese make an excellent hummus. That sentence right there is bursting with passion, no?! In this tumultuous world, it’s important to believe in something and I believe in hummus.

all hail HUMMUS!

On a guest blogger post about using herbs to alleviate stress:

Write more, thats all I have to say. Literally, it seems as though you relied on the video to make your point. You definitely know what youre talking about, why waste your intelligence on just posting videos to your site when you could be giving us something enlightening to read?

Harsh, northfaceblackfriday, very harsh. At the risk of sounding defensive, this post doesn’t actually have any videos. Perhaps you are confused by the photos of flowers. If these appear to be moving, I can only suggest that you stop drinking while spamming.

if picture appears to move, seek medical assistance

On Ginger & Lime Fish Soup:

I have to show my thanks to the writer just for bailing me out of this type of condition. After surfing throughout the internet and coming across ideas which were not helpful, I thought my entire life was gone. 

My fish soup is good, no question, but I’m amazed to find that it has the power to restore someone’s life. Perhaps I should bottle the stuff and sell it as a life-saving elixir over the internet?

Clearly I have been eating it wrong.

On Cream Cheese n’ Herb Scrambled Eggs:

This does not mean, necessarily, letting down your guard and pouring your heart out about how much you love your grandmother. A good rule of thumb is: if you wouldn’t say it in an email to a client, it shouldn’t go up on your company’s blog.

How perceptive of you! When I wrote this post about scrambled eggs, the subtext was indeed how much I love my grandmother, because when I say: “use fresh herbs rather than dried with these eggs’, what I’m really saying is “Oh granny, you’re the best. I love you loads.”

Weigh in: How much spam do you deal with? What’s the most outrageous spam you’ve got? Has my fish soup changed your life?

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8 thoughts on “Highlights From The Spam Folder

  1. This is hilarious! I don’t even pay attention to my spam folder so I went to check it out after reading this. And I found this comment to a Movie Monday post:

    What I have usually told people is that while looking for a good on-line electronics retail store, there are a few factors that you have to take into account. First and foremost, you should make sure to choose a reputable as well as reliable shop that has picked up great testimonials and scores from other shoppers and industry leaders. This will ensure that you are dealing with a well-known store providing you with good assistance and help to their patrons. Many thanks sharing your thinking on this website.

    Um, the post was about The Machine Gun Preacher and The Watch. Not electronics. So weird!

    Your fish soup has not changed my life (sorry) but I made sausage and sauerkraut soup again last night. Mmmm!! I still plan to make the sauerkraut brownies too. One of these days! 🙂

    • Hey Jessica, it’s ok about the soup. It didn’t change my life either (although it did wake me up to the virtues of fish stock). As for the sauerkraut brownies – please leave a spam-like comment once you’ve tried them. The more bizarre the better 🙂

    • Thank you for that lovely compliment Hayley 🙂 I am perusing your wonderful blog as I type (expert level multi-tasker, that’s me!). Have to say, I am both inspired and humbled by how much time you devote to the gym. You deserve a medal….or a certificate…or at least a nice lie down and a long bubble bath 🙂

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